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Thursday, February 6, 2014

What She Really Wants this Valentine's Day

Dear those who want to make someone happy this Valentine's Day,

I know, I know. It is a Hallmark holiday. Another commercial holiday to sell cards, roses and overpriced chocolates. The good news? She doesn't want that anyway. One surefire way to piss her off? Do nothing. Yes the holiday is ridiculous but that doesn't mean that the premise is. Love reigns baby. You show some love and you will be thanked. Tremendously.

By talking about love I don't mean romance though sometimes they can't help but to intertwine. I don't want to come across as cynical, but I find romance to be slightly nauseating. Unless you are Pablo Neruda, your poem might leave something to be desired. Leave the poems and red roses for The Bachelor.

These two lasted 28 hours.

There's a reason those relationships typically don't last longer than 3 months weeks. Romance can't touch the depth of being in love. Love trumps romance. Every. Time. I believe in a redefined love- a stronger, more genuine form of romance. So how do you make that love so steamy, sexy and smoking hot? Want to know what she truly desires this holiday (and every day that follows)? Stick with me and read the guide below. Good things will cum come to you love.

Here is how we can bring sexy back:

  • Vacuuming is foreplay. Truly. Do it for her. Have fun doing it. Throw a little dance in there. You will get some.

You are so much hotter than you have ever been right now.

  • Learning how to make rainbow looms is unbelievably attractive. When you take time to spend time with whatever your kids are interested in it is a beautiful thing to witness. That will make the one you love ridiculously happy. Happiness brings reconnection. Reconnection brings nudity after your rainbow loomers are tucked in bed. 

Hey girl... look what Junior and I whipped up
while you were taking your much deserved bubble bath. 

  • Not cooking and cleaning is the greatest. Ever. I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't melt at the magic words, "Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?" I love to cook but after making 18 meals a day, everyday for a decade, there are no sexier words that could be voiced. Everyone wants, desires and deserves a break sometimes. Think of what you could do with all of that bonus times not spent in the kitchen.

Dinners out greatly up the chances of growing old together.

  • Eff chocolate, give wine. No woman has ever felt sexy after housing an entire box of Russell Stovers. Keep filling her glass of Merlot, on the other hand, and her inner goddess will not be able to contain her gratitude.

Now this is an orgasm in a box.

  • Texts, cards and post it notes. It doesn't matter as much which one you choose, so long as you choose one. Remind her in your own words how amazing she is, how hot she is and how grateful you are that she chose you. Never underestimate the value of gratitude and compliments. I am going to let you in on something huge: women need to feel valued. What you give her emotionally, will pay off for you physically. Words are free but all too often underused. There was something about her that made you want to have a second date- tell her why. She will feel grateful, loved and lucky. You will feel grateful, loved and get lucky. Simple equation baby. 

You don't have to be Ryan Gosling to get your message across.
I mean, it helps.
But after your dinner out you can put post its up around the house telling her how much she rocks with a full vat of wine and The Notebook on in the background while you vacuum.
It will be a good night for you my friend.

So there you go. Women are not such hard creatures to understand after all.
You are welcome. Feel free to share away dear friends.

Wishing you so much love this Valentines Day and every great day to follow...


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