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Monday, June 29, 2015

How to Survive Your Twins This Summer


Oh wait... you are a mother and every day is exactly the same as it was the day before. There is no summer break. There is no break even ahead in sight. Even a bathroom break happens with someone staring at your vajajay at all times. So what do you do when you need to escape the house before you lose it? Somewhere that could be entertaining to any one of you, somewhere overall free of danger and a place that doesn't have to completely welcome but won't turn away your cute yet destructive "angels." Does such a place exist? My warrior friends it does.  My twins are now 5 years old and these are the places that helped us all survive each and every summer.

1. The Water Park of an Amusement Park. I'm kidding. I'm laughing so hard at that one. Sorry about that. Just don't do it. The best time to take twins to the stressful circle of hell that is the water park is when they are old enough to drive themselves there. A much better option for young ones is the splash pad. Sprinklers and running, have at it mini ones. You'll actually be able to see them and look mom- no drowning!

2. Grandma's House. It doesn't matter where your mom or mother-in-law live. Go to them. Find a way. Not only does this woman adore your children, she allows you to do something amazing: sit down. She may even cook for you. She may even help you fold laundry. She may even have wine. Bonus: she babysits. My mom and mother-in-law are the reasons I've kept any shred of sanity in having four kids. If they weren't already taken, I'd want to marry them. Yes, both of them.

3. The Mall Play Area. Don't knock it until you've tried when it's free of snot. A lot of malls open before the stores for employees and high speed mall walkers that will want you and your cherubs to stay the hell out of their way or you will get stomped on. Don’t make eye contact and just beeline it to the tot area. There may even be an open Starbucks at that time. You can sit with a macchiato and live the dream baby. If you go during prime sun hours, please proceed at your own risk. One time long but not long enough ago, our pastor was walking by and I talked to him for approximately five seconds while I was confined with my twins inside the sweet, safe play area when he says to me, “I think she just stole something.” And there it was: my Sophia had escaped the play area, ran into Gymboree and was standing there smiling, holding a new tank on a hanger like we had brought it from home. So proud. Go before the stores open. Trust me. 

4. The Beach. Fo real. That place will wear your babies out which will equal the best nap ever. Go early (again, this is the theme of your entire successful summer) and avoid the crowds. It will be much easier to get a good spot and to be able to see them while they run in opposite directions. Those brilliant arm floatie things that strap in the back will be your best friends. I’m pretty sure there were two solid summers where my twins never took them off. We also used to bring a small inflatable baby pool to the beach that we nicknamed “the baby cage.” Throw a little water in it to entertain and cool them off and until they realize they can escape it, it will be bliss. And at that point hopefully it will be nap time.

5. Your Own Backyard. I know you want to get out, I know. I do too. But think of it this way- bubbles and a baby pool = you being able to sit down. You can even put some Kahlua in that iced coffee in a judgement free zone. And your commute will be so short when it comes to that nap; no one will be falling asleep in their car seat on your watch. And one day your twins will be five and their siblings will be eight and ten. And you will be so excited for summer days that begin and end in your own backyard. Instill that love of being outside at home early on and they will never fall short of what they can discover within it. Nowhere to be with time to be can sometimes feel like the best gift ever. The first key though is surviving it. The second key is enjoying it. It helps to always have a happy drink in your hand. 

So keep on treading dear mommas, you’ve so got this.

Happy summer and cheers to you…


Pre escape baby cage... actually this is one of my twins with my nephew. Sophia did already escape.
Two out of three ain't bad.

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